Blog of Joe

The Great Debate: Bush vs. Ahmadinejad

2006-08-30T10:50:00.000-04:00

I have obtained (from Bob Novak) an unofficial transcript of the great debate between two of history's giants: George W Bush and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. These legendary minds met on the field of intellectual battle. You decide who won...

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Praise be to Allah. Let us debate the role of the US in world affairs, infidel. The US must leave Iraq or be driven out like a pack of running dogs. Allah Be Praised.
George W. Bush: Well.heh,heh, heh...those are pretty harsh ...um...words, there pardner, Moomood, ole boy. We intend to stay the course. Mission accomplished. Democracy for Iraq. Because its the right thing to do. People want peace. And Americans love peace.
MA: You love peace ? Ha, Allah be Praised ! All you bring is war. You bring war to Afghanistan and war to Iraq. You support the evil Zionists (I spit on Israeli graves) who attack the peaceloving Hizbollah, (may Allah protect them).
Dubya: Well, now. We help people. I am against evil. The axis of evil. And by the way, Mammyhood, you are part of that axis. Now, why don't you jest step down and find Jesus and stop all this nucular war nonsense ? America good. Iran evil. It's pretty simple Mowmood.
MA: You insult the great people of Iran. The great children of the great Persian Empire. We shall have our nuclear power no matter what you and the weak-willed bitches (Allah forgive me) at the UN say or do. Iran shall rise again as a world power and destroy Israel and the supporters of Zionism.
Dubya: Now...you need to relax a little there, Maymud old boy. You take this "world affairs" stuff much too seriously. Now me, I don't bother with that Zionism stuff or the UN business. I have some fences that need mending on the Crawford ranch. I find that if I relax, take a vacation, like for maybe 10 to 11 months a year I feel refreshed. (Dam, hope that Sandy Shuham ain't there a protestin). I leave all that "government" stuff to Condi and Dick. Heh, heh, heh....
MA: I will defend Iran to the death. If you dare attack us we will send you into the pits of hell (Allah willing). I have come to debate international affairs. What is your position on nuclear proliferation ?
Dubya: There you go again, gittin all hot and bothered. Nucular profiziation is one of my best things...I am for it...no, I'm agin it...oh hell, I don't know, gotta see Dick and I'll git back to you. ...You know, Mammyhood, I kind of like your style. Why don't you and the missus come on down to Crawford for a Bar-B-Que. We'll put on some pork ribs and the twins can sing a duet and do their baton twirling routine. Whattya say old boy ?
MA: This is an insult to Islam. An insult to my family. To suggest we eat the meat of the pig. Allah be praised. Do you know nothing of world affairs or my religion ?
Dubya: Heh, heh,heh...now relax Mowmow. I knowd all about you Ayrabs and Mohammedism and how you worship the devil. I learnt it at Yale.... But the point is, you are taking this war and nucular weapons stuff just WAY too seriously. Come on down to Crawford and we'll get you to hoedown. Then you will see what we are fighting for in the Middle East. Freedom. Freedom to Hoedown. Freedom to pick your nose. You don't have that freedom in Iran, do you, Maymud ?... I sees where you even tried a girl for having sex without giving her a lawyer. That's the difference between you and us. We believe in rights, lawyers and all that stuff, except for the guilty.... But I agree with you about the sex part. Now that I'm old and cain't git it up I am opposed to degenerate sex too. So at least we can agree on something.... How about beef weiners. Do you eat those ?
MA: Allah help me. This man has his finger on the nuclear button. This is the best democracy can do ? Thank Allah I am a dictator.
Dubya: Well, gotta go, Moomood. Dick tells me I got to git down to New Orleans. Some big anniversary of the great flood, Karmelina. Kinda like Noah's Ark. Lots of water. All wet. Water is wet, you know. ...I hope the Mardy Graw is open today. Yeeha !

Bush Voted Into MENSA

2006-04-02T21:43:00.000-04:00

Maybe this will shut up President Bush's detractors once and for all. It was leaked from the White House today that President Bush, because of his high intellectual abilities, was voted into MENSA by a special panel of experts.
While some have disparaged his intellect because of a few minor errors of judgement (Iraq War, Katrina Incident, Attempt to destroy Social Security), this latest honor will put to scorn those who have called him a DUMBASS.
It also shows that even people with a severe lack of linguistic abilty may still be pretty gol' darn smart. So, to all you detractors and nay-sayers, I make a toast to George Bush, president, COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF and man of MENSA.
PS...Please check the date on this post....April Fools, 1 day late...

Poor George...the Classic Failure

2006-03-24T05:53:00.000-05:00

If he wasn't such a dumbass you would almost feel sorry for George. A failure as a president, a failure as a leader, a failure as a man.
Iraq, Social Sceurity, No Child Left Behind, Drilling for Oil in Alaska...a littany of stupidity. And, like the kid in the corner of the classroom flicking his buggers onto the floor, he has no clue as to how pathetic he actually is.
The latest is his response to Afghanistan. Americans lost their lives and are still losing their lives liberating Afghanistan from the Taliban. Now Afghanistan is once again the world's biggest provider of heroin and a man is scheduled to be executed for converting to Christianity. What is Bush's response. He is protesting the decision.
Ask yourself, if Saddam Hussein was executing Christians what would Bush have said and done ?
We are propping up Afghanistan's leaders. Shouldn't tell them. No, you will not execute people for their religious beliefs.
What a poor, pathetic excuse for a president.

The Genius of Rumsfeld...wrong every time

2006-03-19T20:04:00.000-05:00

News item: Rumsfeld says that pulling out of Iraq would be like leaving Germany to the Nazis after WW2....
Once again, this astute mastermind of "Operation Iraqi Freedom" has spoken the unvarnished truth. The analogy is so precise and relevant. Remember that after WW2 there were 3 groups of Nazis: the Shi'a Nazis, the Sunni Nazis and the Kurdish Nazis. Or something like that. Rummy doesnn't need details, just the simplistic ideological "truth", unsupported by history. Donald's brain is starting to collapse from the weight of making up 4 years of fantasy history.
Starting to make GW look smart enough to win a third grade spelling bee.
Let's look at Rumsfeld's historic predictions.
1. Saddam Hussein was behind the 9/11 bombings.
2. Saddam Hussein has WMDs, including chemical and biological weapons.
3. Saddam Hussein has nukes and was going to use them.
4. The people of Iraq would greet American troops with flowers and parades as they drove happily into Baghdad.
5. We would need only 150,00 troops to win the war. And when those evil military generals like Shinseki said we would need 500,000 they were wrong. And they were fired.
6. We will find the weapons of WMD.
7. (6 revised). We will find some weapons of WMD.
8. (7 revised). Well, Saddam wanted to get WMDs, that's for sure.
9. The Iraqi people have elected there own government and want democracy. They can have any government they want.
10. The Iraqi people can't have an Islamic government.
11. It's not about oil, really, it's not.
Rummy never lies, he just continues to spout ideas with no basis in fact. And Fox "News "loves it.
So, when the US finally does crawl out of the wartorn, economically-destroyed Iraq with our tails between our legs, Rummy will undoubtedly call it "America's Finest Hour".

Taliban to Protect Department of Homeland Security

2006-03-09T18:44:00.000-05:00

News Item: A British Company has been providing security at the Headquarters of the Department of Homeland "Security".
So, we have a Department of Homeland (Der Fadderland) Security which is supposed to protect us all from foreign attacks. The way they usually do this is by pointing to the correct color on the terror alert color chart. I think we are now in condition pink.
You would think that the Department of Homeland Security might just be competant enough to supply ..uh..security...for their own headquarters. Evidently , they are not. So, they have hired the British to do so.
I seem to recall that about 200 years ago or so we threw out the British because we wanted to supply our own homeland security. Now they are back. With pay. And by all news accounts doing a real crappy job for a real lot of money.
So, here is my solution. The Taliban are still around and control much of Afghanistan, especially near the Pakistan border where Osama used to live (wink, wink) before we forced him out.
Now, these guys know homeland security. They waited out the Russians and got rid of them. They are waiting out the Americans now and will someday return to power.
In the meantime, these bearded security guards are unemployed. And unemployment compensation in Afghanistan runs to about 2 cents per day. Let's hire these talented, trained personnel to provide Homeland Security to the Department of Homeland Security. They could not possibly do a worse job than the British. As a bonus, they are foreigners, too. (That seems to be a prerequisite for providing homeland and port security).
The Talibani are easy to recognize because of their long beards and classy turbans, so there would be no doubt about who the security guards are. We would not have to spring for fancy uniforms.
Best of all, praise Allah, they work cheap. Give 'em a buck fifty a day and they would be in seventh heaven. Plus, no union or labor problems to deal with.
Since we are now "outsourcing" everything, even our national security, at least we should do it economically.

Sorry, Monty

2006-03-07T20:43:00.000-05:00

A long time ago in America there were three branches of government. A French idea. Montesqueiu. Actually Charles-Louis de Secondat, Baron de Montesqueiu. Monty, for short.
The Baron reasoned that too much power in the hands of a small group, especially in the hands of a small group of idiots and ideologues, would produce narrow, idiotic government. Take away the rights of citizens. Unchecked. He was right.
So, the "Founding Fathers" who so many neocons idolize and then proceed to ignore, stole his idea and put together the three braches of government. It would prevent one group of idiots from gaining too much power, unless...
Yes, as we see, unless the same group of idiots controlled all three branches. Meet America, 2006. The southern god-fearing, war-loving, law-hating pack of morons has now successfully grabbed control of the Executive branch, the Congress and the Courts.
Example: the Patriot Act. The president, put in power illegally by Supreme Court forgets to guard us against terrorists. 9/11 happens. The president, who has shown his incompetancy in every corner of the globe from Iraq to New Orleans , demands the right to overturn the Constitution, at will. Congress says..duh, okay...kinda busy now with my fundraising so do what you want. The courts say, okay, that Constitution only applies when Cheney says it applies.
And the Dems (Dumbs) wonder why they can't seem to muster any excitement for their party. The party of capitulation.
The checks and balances system was shoved to the end of the cliff by the 2000 Court decision refusing to allow the citizens of Florida to count their votes. It was pushed over the cliff by the Senate and House getting on their collective knees and doing a Lewinsky to Cheney and his sidekick on the Iraq invasion and the Patriot Act. The donkey is an apt symbol for the Dems, maybe for the entire Congress. Or a donkey wearing a stained blue dress.
Now what are "the people supposed" to do. All three branches have turned against them.
Sorry, Monty, it was a nice idea while it lasted.

New Bush Transcripts on Katrina Discovered

2006-03-02T19:00:00.000-05:00

While the video showing President Bush sitting like a dumbass and asking no questions the day before Katrina hit New Orleans may lead one to believe he was uninvolved, the Cheney Administration has released new transcripts showing GW was on top of things. These are the actual transcripts from the discussion between Brown of FEMA and GW Bush obtained by NBC News.
Brown: Mr President, I fear that hurricane Katrina is going to be devastating to New Orleans.
Bush: Howdy Brownie, old buddy. He he he...what's this gooey stuff in my ear...
Brown: Sir, the hurricane. It is going to make landfall tomorrow and I fear the worst.
GW: So, this is a big storm. Big storms have lots of wind. Winds blow hard. Hard winds, big storm acomin. Kinda glad I'm here in Crawford. No winds today. Sunny and mild here in Crawford. Good day for clearing brush.
Brown: Yes, Mr President. But Katrina. I fear that the levees may be breached. The water, it may go over the levee and make a big hole. Do... you... under...stand ?
GW: Well, that would be bad. Lots of water would come in to land. That would take leadership. That is what leadership is all about...hmmm...what's these things on my sleeve..oh..just some string, what's that ?..oh, some lint.He he he...got some lint on my sleeve. He he he...
Brown: Mr President. We will need immediate evacuation. We will need the military. This is going to be the big one, I fear.
GW: That would be evil, Brownie. Oh, axis of evil, Iraq, North Korea, Katrina. Bad storms, you see, do bad things to people. That is something I understand as a leadership. Leaders have leadership. Storms have big winds. Real big winds. And hurricanes, Brownie, are even bigger winds. Now, just second here, I got this itch. Gotta stand up a second...oohh, that's better.
Brown: So, Mr President. Can I count on your help ? Are you mobilizing the National Guard ? Or the military ? How are we going to evacuate the residents ?
GW: Oh, the National Guard. Brave Americans. Do their duty. Stay the course. You see Brownie, that is what the American people want..what, the hell is this green thing hanging from my nose ?..oh, got it...The American peoples needs leadership. Storms can be evil, but if we stay the course, then we will stay the course. Trust the people, Brownie, not the big government. The people of Lewsiana don't want no big government telling them what to do. Americans don't cut and run, Brownie. Those New Orleanianders ain't gonna cut and run from no Katrina, not on my watch.
Brown: Mr. President , are you going to do nothing ? Are you giving us any help at all ?
GW: The Iraqis and the New Orleaners have got to stand up and help theirselfs. Axis of evil. Big storm a comin. Could be lots of rain. Kinda like Nova's Ark in the Bible. Ponchos. A friend of my brother-in-law has a nice little factory in Shanghai, Chinaland, where they make these yeller ponchos. Keep you dry. Even in the rain. Great little idea, ponchos. Let me see if I can get you a good deal on a few dozen ponchos. What colors do you like. I like yellers and reds. Real cheap. You know there ain't any labor problems in Chinaland. He he he. Gotta go clean some sagebrush Brownie. Nice talking to you. Keep me posted on this big wind business. Don't you forget, I'm behind you 100 per cent.

Let's Let Osama's Friends Run the Ports..Brilliant

2006-02-27T19:40:00.000-05:00

I have an idea. Since we are afraid of terrorists infiltrating our "homeland defense" let's give over our port management to...an Arab country. But not just any Arab country. Let's give it to one with a long record of supporting Osama, denying worker rights, abusing immigrants, female repression...and child labor trafficking...Brilliant, old, boy, simply brilliant.
I think my ear is still sore from the Cheney gunshot blast. Did I hear this correctly. In another one of the Cheney administration secret deals, they have given over 5 or 6 ports to be managed by a company completely owned by the United Arab Emirates.
Was this the same UAE that allowed their ports to be used for illegal nuke transhipments from Pakistan ? Uh, yup.
Is this the same UAE that had pre-9/11 ties to Ossama the Bomba and al-Qaeda ? Ummmmm...yup.
Is this the same UAE that has been cited for human rights violations such as refusing to allow workers to organize, allowing no worker rights, trafficking in child labor, etc ? Yepper, one and the same.
This sounds like a real good deal for the US. Let's let a human rights violating, al-Qaeda-supporting government take control over our ports.
Of course, the department of Homeland Security and Coast Guard had objections to this port takeover, but the "don't bother me with facts" mentality in the Cheney White House ignored the experts. Again.
The best scene was watching Cheney's "beetch", GW, defending the port giveaway to the public. Later the White House admitted that GW was not even notified of the transaction until he read about it in the press. Now there's a man who knows what's happening. No reason to wake up George and get him in the loop on this one. Let him sleep.
All we have been hearing for the last 4 years from this band of charlatans has been...terror...homeland security...terror attacks...fear Arabs...we need to tap your phones and read your emails....red alert... Maybe they should start reading their own emails.
If this time period is as dangerous for America as Cheney makes it out to be, why give up management of our ports to foreigners ? Can you imagine FDR giving a contract to Morocco to run Pearl Harbor during WW2 ? Or LBJ handing over Boston to be managed by the Chinese during the Vietnam War ?
This latest folly further exposes the "war on terror" to be the phoney war that it is. Just another way to transfer wealth from the American people to international energy and transportation conglomerates. At least the Halliburton corruption went to American crooks. This port transfer to a non-democratic Middle Eastern Arab state is the ultimate cynicism.
There is something deeper and more disturbing here. Giving control of American shipping facilities to foreign powers like UAE indicates the real priorities of this gang.
And homeland security is evidently pretty low on the list.

Shoot Me in the Face, Really, I Don't Mind

2006-02-26T10:43:00.000-05:00

This shooting people in the face is an interesting concept. As the Winter Olympics winds down I wonder if the biathletes might consider this as a tactic for Vancouver 2010. Some guy is ahead of you by a few yards, you pull out your rifle and bang em, right in the gluteus maximus. "Oh, hey, sorry buddy, I thought you wuz a quail."
No. But if you are the 2nd most powerful human being on earth (right behind Barbra Bush), then you can shoot with impunity. In support of President Cheney there are some 78 year old men who actually DO bear a strong resemblance to birds. An honest mistake.
Maybe that hunter safety course Cheney took...what ? . Oh, he didn't take a hunter safety course. Maybe when he stood up like a patriot and defended his country during the Vietnam era he wasn't taught properl...what ? Oh, he dodged the draft ? Well, maybe that required bird stamp he bought had a list of instructi...what ? Oh, he never bought the required bird stamp. Well, at least he was sober...what ? He had "a beer or two" before heading off with a loaded shotgun into the woods to blast budgies ?
Well, my point was going to be this: Did anyone ever tell him he SHOULDN'T shoot people ?
There must be oodles of rules regarding hunting. I am a golfer and that sport, not nearly as dangerous, is packed with do's and don'ts. So I am guessing that nowhere in the official hunting rulebook does it say: Don't shoot people in the face. So, how was he supposed to know ?
After all, his 78 year old buddy didn't seem to mind. In a sense, he had it coming. Anyone dumb enough to hang around The Dick Cheney after he's had a few in him AND he's packing heat deserves what he gets. And initial reports said it was the old guy's fault anyway. What was he doing walking behind the President out of the line of fire. He would have had a better chance of not getting shot if he was flying front of Cheney's red nose.
Is this a "metaphor" for the adminstration as some pundits are claiming ? Disregard for the law. Running like a coward from wrongdoing. Refusing to accept responsibility . Blaming the victim. Hiding the facts until the press slowly crowbars them into the light. Not telling GWBush what happened as though he were an irrelevancy. (Did I say "as though" ?) This is not a metaphor for the administration.
It IS the administration. Cheney's contempt for the law, the public, the press is neither new nor metaphorical. It is real. He is beholding to no one. No one tells him what to do. He was not put in office by the people so he has no reason to respond to the public. He holds secret meetings with the energy companies to set energy policy. Nobody stops him. He outs CIA agents, no one stops him. He plans a war and sends the bills to the American people and no one stops him.
So, Dick...Shoot me in the face, already. Shoot all of us in the face. Why not ? "What you going to do about it, old man."

In the Beginning....

2006-02-25T09:26:00.000-05:00

In the beginning the good lord created the earth and all the wonderful things therin. Then she created Adam and Eve. So far, okay. Then she created religions and governments. This was a major mistake.
This blog is devoted to the errors of god, man and politicians.
I will share my thoughts on how and why the dumbest members of the human race often rise to positions of great influence and power. This seems to be true in all institutions, but most especially in the last quarter of the 20th century in America.
I will share my thoughts on American Empire, religious nuts and the anti-scientific theology sweeping through the less intelligent (that is, the majority) segments of American society.
I invite you to submit your BRIEF thoughts and reactions.